


Patience

by mylittleredgirl



Category: Holby City
Genre: Episode Related, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-09-01 21:11:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8638198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mylittleredgirl/pseuds/mylittleredgirl
Summary: It’s the hour that helps, the wine, the street lamp through the blinds leaving streaks of light on Serena’s naked back, all that before Bernie finds the words she really meant. (Set a few weeks after "The Kill List")





	

It’s later, thinking back, when she realizes she gave Serena the wrong reason. It’s weeks, though, before she’s brave enough to fix it.

It’s the hour that helps, the wine, the street lamp through the blinds leaving streaks of light on Serena’s naked back, all that before Bernie finds the words she really meant.

“I want you.”

Serena opens one eye. “What, again? We have to be at work in…” She lifts her head just off the pillow to get a view of the clock, and finishes her sentence with nothing more than a groan. 

Bernie chuckles. Neither of them has gotten much sleep lately. “No, you’re off the hook for the night.” Bernie blames jet lag to anyone on the ward who catches her yawning, but it’s not Ukraine that keeps her staying at Albie’s until last call, at the corner table with Serena’s feet tangled with hers, her hand on her knee. It’s after at her flat, going to bed with her phone on her pillow, exchanging texts through the night that always start with _I can’t sleep_  and degrade into giddy innuendo by morning. It’s going in early to prepare the day for both of them, alive with anticipation, because when Serena arrives she’ll kiss Bernie good morning like it’s the easiest thing in the world, no matter who’s watching. 

And it’s being here, in Serena’s bed. She’s only had the pleasure a handful of times, and she’s not going to waste it sleeping, even if they’re both too tired for her to do anything other than look and trace slow spirals on Serena’s back. “That’s not what I meant, though.”

“Hmm?”

Serena’s mostly asleep, will drift off soon if Bernie continues drawing invisible patterns on her skin – and that intimate knowledge is like a precious, living thing in her chest. Serena is so trusting, able to fall asleep while being watched, while being _touched_. She should allow their conversation to drift to silence, let her sleep, but the debt of emotional honesty she still owes is weighing on her, and Bernie feels bolder in near darkness. 

“In the office, when I came back… I told you I didn’t want to feel lonely anymore.”

Serena doesn’t open her eyes, but slides her hand across the space between them, sleepily pats the first bare skin she finds. “… hope you don’t,” she says on a sigh. 

Bernie leans closer to kiss Serena’s shoulder, then slides down to lie next to her, not skin to skin, but close enough to feel the warmth of her body in the air between them. “I just… I don’t want to leave you thinking I’m running away from something rather than running to you.” 

She pushed Serena away once, telling her that _not wanting_ something isn’t enough. They weren’t her words, of course. It’s amazing they ever came out of her mouth, when Bernie’s whole life has been about not wanting. 

There’s a long pause, then a look of struggle on Serena’s face as she opens her eyes and squints at her. “I don’t understand, darling. It’s late. Are you all right?”

Every time Serena calls her _darling_  like that, half-asleep and full of such open love, it feels as though she’s added a year to her life. She could live forever, just on this. “I’m fine. I’m practicing full disclosure.” It’s Jason’s new favorite phrase, employed when he thinks Serena is giving him only half an answer about something. Bernie has been thinking about it a lot.  

Serena’s eyes are open now. “I’m listening,” she says, warm and soft. A safe place to land.

“I’m here because I want to be with you.” She pauses, wary of biting off more than she can chew without choking, but presses on. _Full disclosure_ , she thinks; she owes Serena a complete thought. “As long as you’ll have me.”

In truth, she owes Serena everything she’ll accept. 

Serena is still for a long moment before she draws in a breath, shaky and wet. “It’s a deal,” she whispers, and then snuggles flush against her, leaving no space, no doubt.

Serena falls asleep like that. Bernie can’t, yet, is too used to sleeping rigid and alone even when she shared a bed with her husband, but she doesn’t pull away. She wants to learn, to become a woman who sleeps better with Serena than she does apart. She wants to. 

And, safe and warm and tired for the best of reasons, she’s patient enough to wait. 


End file.
